Aubrey's Vigil excerpt #5

On the fourth morning of Runt’s stay, just as the sun had climbed over the eastern side of Bennett Holler, John heard a car pull up.  He walked out to investigate.  It was a faded, pale blue Ford and climbing out of the driver’s side was Callie.  Fiona and Ellis were in the front seat with her.  She and John stood looking each other over.  John had a feral look.  It reminded Callie of the wildest days of the vigils on the mountain top.  Now his face was scarred, his body thinner, hair longer.  But his eyes were still the same – gentle, afire, with a hint of unutterable sorrow within them.  

“Where’s Paw?” she said, at last.

“He’s sleepin’.  He had another rough night.” 

“I learned from Nell he was up here.  He didn’t tell nobody where he was goin’.  I was worried sick.”

“He wudn’t right in the head when he came here.”

“I can imagine not,” Callie said.  ‘I’d like to see him.”

“He wouldn’t want to you to see him jus’ yet.  Later.”

“Why are you doin’ this?”

            “He asked me to.”

            “Why did he come to you?

            John gave a small smile.  “God only knows.”

“How can I help?”

“Pray for him.”

“Oh, for God’s sake, John.  Stop talkin’ like a preacher.  How can I help my daddy?”

            “We could use some groceries.  Soup from a can.  Soda crackers.  Coffee.  Eggs, oatmeal, toilet supplies.  An’ he needs clothes.  All he’s got is the ones he came in.” 

John found it hard to look upon Callie.  He was shy with feelings of unworthiness.  “He’s doin’ all right,” he said.  “He’s a tough ol’ bird.  When he gits that poison out of him, he’ll be back to his ol’ ornery self.”   He looked directly at Callie and smiled.  First, he smiled at the thought of the rascally little man known as Runt Tucker and then, he smiled at the beauty of the woman standing before him.  Callie blushed under his gaze.

“John ... “began Callie, in a serious tone.  His name sounded strange in her mouth.  To her ears and to his.  It was the first time in years she had spoken it except in prayer.  Since their time together.  Since the time of her romantic notions; since the time of that old urgency.  Those days spent upon this very hill.  She couldn’t think what she wanted to say.  Her speaking his name sent a thrill into John, a healing, an igniting of a tender pain deep within.  The moment grew perilous between them.  Callie notched it down a bit.

“I’ll be back in an hour,” she said.

”Who’s this you brought with you?” John asked, walking closer to the car.

“This is my son, Ellis,” she said.  “An’ this is Fiona.”  Both of the children peered out silently at John from their perches on the front seat. 

“I have heard a lot about both of them ... from Libby an’ Reed.”

Callie looked up to see John’s eyes brimming with tears.  He’s womanly, Callie told herself, but even as she thought it, she doubted its truthfulness.  She was still attracted to John, even now, in a womanly way to a greater extent than any other man she had ever known.

“Ain’t God merciful?” asked John.  “Our beautiful young’uns.  Ain’t we blessed, Callie?”  She was flustered by him speaking her name and by the tears and the mention of God.  By the nearness of John’s body. 

“Yes, we are, John.”

“True love is no respecter of time or distance.  It jus’ goes on and on.  It’s a blessin’ an’ it’s better an’ stronger than the people it blesses.”

They looked into each other’s eyes.  Callie felt herself on the edge of tears.  She reached for the door handle and climbed into the car.  “I’ll be back soon.”

“You need money?”

“No.  No, I have some.”

“You got a fine family, Callie.  I’m sure they are a delight for you.”

“Are you happy, John?” Callie asked, impulsively.  “Up here ... alone?”

“Happy?  It don’t occur to me to think about it.”  Callie studied his face.  Then, she slowly backed the Ford down the drive a ways and turned around, heading back down to Bertram.  She knew she was betraying Burgess.  Speaking to John.  Even if it was her daddy she was helping out.  She was betraying Burgess by the way her heart was beating in her breast; by the way she kept calling to her mind John’s tear-soaked, green eyes.

‘Happiness?’ thought John, watching the car pull away.  It seemed a strange concept to him.  He didn’t really know what the word meant anymore.  You went about God’s business.  You followed your calling.  What did happiness have to do with it?  Seeing Callie again, being close to her, made him feel something like what people call happiness.  But, to John it was just love, just a heart full of titillating, sorrow-tinged love.  And what did love ever have to do with happiness?